I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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