theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
