you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
