you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
