my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
