But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
