i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize