I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
