More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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