i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
