DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
