walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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