I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
