Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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