so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
