the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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