Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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