The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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