My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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