why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
