I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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