I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
