He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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