You work out of a Hotel?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
