You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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