After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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