Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize