Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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