so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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