a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
