Umm I'm too high to move.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
