if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize