umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
