ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
