Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
