you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
smell my finger.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
