dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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