the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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