If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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