seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
