You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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