You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
