I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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