If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
