Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
