Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
