if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
