In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
