We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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