toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Porn is love you can see.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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