Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
