i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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