so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
