You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
