the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
