home. puking in laundry basket.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
