The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
