I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
