Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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