Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
