she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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