I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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