In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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