well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
