I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize