so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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