I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
