its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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