I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
