those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
