I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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