and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
