he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They took my balls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
