My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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