I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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