Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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