Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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