So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize