You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
