I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
