Swine flu. Run for my life!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Someone came in the potted fern
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
