Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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