One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
