Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize