u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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