Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
