I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
