WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
