I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
