she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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