Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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Do I have a choice?
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I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize