I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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