I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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